Parents’ love for their children is the purest and most unconditional love there is, or at least we all believe it should be. Unfortunately, there are situations in which that love is overcome by the fear of making a mistake or not being strong enough to face the adversities that arise, breaking the hearts of those who love them most irreparably. Yevgeny Anisimov had been married to his wife Anna for 10 years when his life changed completely. The Anisimov couple lived a quiet and happy life in the Russian capital of Moscow, where they both had grown up and met while studying computer engineering. Both Yevgeny and his wife had always wanted to start a family and have children. Unfortunately, during the first 10 years of their marriage, that never came true.
“I think we should try it once, honey, please let’s not give up yet,” Yevgeny pleaded. “We still have time, one or two more years at most, but please don’t give up too soon. Our biggest dream has always been to become parents. I’m not saying that we’ll have three or four kids as we wanted at the beginning, but at least one,” Yevgeny begged his wife Anna when she confirmed again that she wasn’t pregnant after having finished a new fertility treatment, the fourth in three years.
“In six months I’ll be 40. I’m not saying I can’t be a mother, but the chances of achieving it are lower and lower, and we’ve been trying for so long. I’m starting to lose hope,” Anna confessed to him, trying not to cry while thinking about how many times she dreamed of becoming a mother and had never succeeded.
However, Mr. Anisimov was not one to give up easily, and he knew for a fact that his wife just needed a little time and affection to recover and to feel that they could try one more time. “I’m getting older too, Anna. We both got older, but our dreams don’t have to. Having a child can be our way to start over and feel like newlyweds, in love and full of love to give,” he told her as he hugged her. “Please, just one more time, okay? Once more. Afterward, if we don’t succeed, we’ll have to think of other ways to become parents or just forget about that dream,” answered Anna, determined to keep her promise to try again to become a mother but also resigned to stop pursuing that dream if they failed again.
Months passed, and after further fertility treatment, the Anisimovs’ dreams finally seemed to come true. “Congratulations, you’re expecting,” the doctor told them, confirming that the tests showed Anna was at last pregnant. The happiness the couple felt at that moment was immense, and they prepared for the arrival of their child, a boy they decided to name Misha with great excitement—an illusion that, unfortunately, would be shattered the very moment when their baby would come into the world.
Yevgeny Anisimov and his wife Anna experienced one of the happiest moments of their lives when their first and only son, Misha, was born. The couple was shocked, however, when just an hour after the birth of their son, they heard the doctor say, “I’m worried, your baby has Down syndrome.” The elation had given way to utter confusion and concern when they heard these declarations. The couple was plunged into a sea of emotions, emotions that left them devastated and that would end up separating them for good.
Although Yevgeny had never considered abandoning his son, it seems that his wife Anna already had other plans. She intended to leave her baby in foster care, and she hadn’t even consulted him beforehand. The mother had taken the decision separately, feeling totally overwhelmed by the news that the child she’d given birth to suffered from Down syndrome. Upon learning of his wife’s plans, Yevgeny was devastated and totally dismayed. He and his wife always had an excellent and trusting connection; they were a perfectly synchronized team and did nothing without the other knowing, but something had changed in Anna as she learned of her son’s new condition.
“I can’t, Yevgeny. I’m sorry, it’s beyond me,” Anna confessed, totally devastated by the difficult decision she just made. “I’d wanted for so many years to hold a baby in my arms, to be a mother and watch him grow up, to take him to the park with the rest of the children, to watch him compete in sports, and suddenly all those dreams vanish and in their place is an uncertain and troubled future. I’m not ready to be the mother of a sick child. Our son deserves someone who is capable of accepting him, and I’m not that person. I cannot be his mother.”
After learning of Anna’s plans to give their son up for adoption, Yevgeny flatly refused and assured his wife that they would deal with their son’s health problem together and they would manage to overcome all the issues that arose. Unfortunately, she was not convinced, and their fierce quarrel led to the total breakdown of the marriage. “If you can’t be Misha’s mother, I can’t be your husband anymore either. I’m sorry, Anna, this ends here,” concluded Yevgeny, broken with pain and very angry at his wife’s selfish and cowardly attitude.
When he arrived home that night, alone and heartbroken, and while little Misha was still hospitalized, Yevgeny began to study Down syndrome on the computer because he had no idea what his son’s diagnosis was and what care he would need throughout his life. At that moment, Yevgeny realized that he’d been very self-centered in worrying about himself and his ability to cope, and he realized that he had to be able to take care of this child, no matter how difficult it would be.
In an interview eight months after the birth of his son, the 32-year-old father confessed that he left the hospital and cried after doctors gave him the news that his son had Down syndrome. The tears, however, quickly dried up. The father was truly embarrassed by his initial reaction, and as soon as he realized what was going on, he completely changed his attitude and was determined to take care of his son no matter what. It didn’t matter if he had to do it without a woman by his side; his son would have a father who loved him above all else, and that was more than enough.
“After all, nothing had really changed in my life except for the fact that there was now one person who was totally dependent on me and that my wife, my life partner, had left us,” Yevgeny commented. “I still had two arms and two legs, and the knowledge of the disease was meager. Everything I had, including my tenacity, activity, curiosity, etc., was with me. My son was born as expected and everything went according to plan. He was a healthy and happy child, but he was also a special and unique human being, and his present and future were of great importance to me. He would never be alone,” he continued.
Since then, Yevgeny has been raising Misha on his own. He tucks him in, bathes him, and makes him dinner every night. He became a super father, and Misha never felt he lacked for anything despite not having a mother by his side to take care of him.
“I did a lot of reading on the internet and also asked around at the hospital, which allowed me to discover that people with Down syndrome can live and work independently and are well integrated into society in Europe,” he explained. “I found out that my son could learn to read and speak like any other child, study and work, and even be a professional athlete if he wanted to and was good at a sport. I was so relieved to learn all that, but I also felt shame and guilt because I thought it would have been better to put him up for adoption or leave him in a specialized center. Misha is an amazing boy and I will never regret my decision to be his father and fight for his future,” commented the emotional father.
Although each task is simple, the single father admitted that executing it every day without help was difficult. Yevgeny is very glad that his mother, Misha’s 76-year-old grandmother, helps him every day so that he can spend some time alone and can go to work without worrying. “Between the two of us, it’s easier. Without my mother, there are many things I would have had to stop doing. She’s a widow as my father died more than 10 years ago, so she’s happy to take care of her grandson and spend more time with me. They become two inseparable friends. I love seeing them so close. Misha adores his grandmother, and she adores him,” the father says proudly.
Yevgeny also prepares several activities for the benefit of Misha, both for his physical and mental development. Since he was only five months old, the little boy has been attending weekly swimming lessons, a sport that’s really beneficial for children with Down syndrome and that helps him to improve his body synchronization. In recent months, little Misha has also started attending speech therapy classes, where a teacher teaches him to speak and communicate. The boy is making great progress quickly, and his father couldn’t be prouder and happier.
Since little Misha came into his life, Yevgeny has shared his experience as a Down syndrome father on social networks, getting thousands of followers and likes on every post he makes. In this way, Yevgeny also got people from all over the world to contribute to his cause, helping him to afford very expensive treatments and activities for children like Misha, and that in Russia don’t have any kind of subsidy by the state. The father is extremely grateful to the many people who have helped pay for these expensive activities and feels very fortunate to be able to continue to help his son grow up happy and show the world that children like Misha also deserve respect and love.
Yevgeny’s goal is to raise awareness about Down syndrome and help families who, like him, face the same challenges every day of raising a child with special needs in a society that lacks empathy and discriminates against people. “Through all the articles about Misha and me that are currently being published, I want the public to learn and internalize that concept, and by setting a good example, I hope to encourage and support those who are or will be in similar situations to mine,” he stated. “I strive to correspond with people near and far. I hope that those who are struggling right now, just as it happened to us, will read about us. Don’t be afraid to be different. Everything will be fine,” concludes the pious father, very moved.
What a motivational story. Yevgeny is the epitome of what a great father should be and what society can achieve with a little love and understanding.
